Chuck Norris/ Jack Bauer

Everyone loves a good Chuck Norris joke.

Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

In fact, you can replace Jack Bauer from 24 with Chuck Norris and you'll get the same, if not, funnier jokes. 24 is soooo over-rated man.

Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.

When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death.

Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a "knock knock" joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was.

The 2007 budget for the US Military covers Jack Bauer, two pistols and four billion rounds of ammunition.

Jack Bauer quit for just five minutes, and a nuclear bomb went off.

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.